Welcome my lovely 💙

How are you? I’m really excited to share this blog with you.

My hope is that, as you read, you might notice something small but powerful, and feel encouraged to make a change that feels empowering and genuinely possible.

Let’s talk about the word 'should.'

Are you a serial should-er?
You might be… without even realising it.

'Should' often slips into our inner dialogue quietly and automatically. It sounds responsible. Motivating. Helpful.

But once you start to notice it, you may realise how often it shows up, and how much pressure it carries with it.

This is a word I see come up again and again with clients of all ages, and learning to work with it has been quietly life-changing.

Before I trained as an ADHD coach, my inner dialogue was full of it.

• I should be more organised.

• I should be coping better.

• I should have this figured out by now.

I thought 'should' was motivating.

I thought it was how you pushed yourself to do better.

But learning more about the ADHD brain, and working deeply with clients, completely changed my relationship with that word.

And once I saw it, I couldn’t un-see it.

Now, it’s something I share with every client, no matter their age or stage of life.

Because understanding the word should opens up a whole new world of self-compassion, clarity, and change.

Many people use 'should' because they believe it keeps them accountable. But in reality, 'should' is one of the least helpful words for a brain under stress, and that includes ADHD brains, anxious brains, overwhelmed brains, and tired brains.

1: 'Should': The Word That Makes Your Brain Feel Like It’s Already Failed Before You've Even Started

When we say 'should,' the brain often hears:

• You’re behind

• You’re not doing enough

• You’re disappointing someone

The word 'should' can trigger shame. And when shame shows up, it is rarely a sustainable motivator. Actually the word 'shame' can activate:

• anxiety

• guilt

• overwhelm

• freeze mode

2: 'Should' Pulls Us Away From Self-Compassion

When we use the word should, we’re often speaking to ourselves in a way we would never speak to someone we care about.

Listen to these familiar phrases:

• I should be doing better

• I should be less lazy

• I should know this already

Instead of offering understanding, these thoughts often carry an undercurrent of self-criticism.

Beneath these thoughts is often a sense of self-judgment, rather than understanding or kindness.

From a self-compassion lens, this is the moment where we’ve moved away from kindness and common humanity, and into isolation and self-judgment.

Rather than recognising that struggle is a shared human experience, 'should' tells us we’re the problem.

Self-compassion invites a different response, one that says:

“This is hard right now, and I’m not alone in feeling this way.”

And that shift alone can change how the brain responds.

3: 'Should' Is Vague, and Vague Isn’t Helpful

'Should' doesn’t tell the brain:

• what to do

• where to start

• what matters most

It just floats around like a cloud of pressure.

And pressure without clarity is paralysing.

1: Replace 'Should' with 'Could'

Invites possibility instead of pressure.

I should go for a walk → I could step outside for a few minutes.

I should clean my room → I could clear one small area.

I should get organised → I could make a quick list of what matters most right now.

2: Replace 'Should' with 'Want To'

Helps the brain move from pressure to possibility.

I should answer my emails → I want to feel less overwhelmed, so replying to one email could help.

I should go to bed earlier → I want to feel more rested tomorrow, so heading to bed a little earlier could support that.

I should be more organised → I want my mornings to feel calmer, so setting things out tonight could help.

3: Replace 'Should' with 'I will...'

This can give your brain clarity and a next step.

I should clean the house → I will tidy the kitchen bench for 5 minutes.

I should start that project → I will open the document and write one sentence.

I should exercise more → I will put my shoes on and step outside.

I should get organised → I will choose one drawer to sort today.

I should relax → I will sit down and take three slow breaths.

Until Next Time...

The information I've share with you today, isn’t about getting it 'right' or removing every should from your life.

It’s about noticing pressure with kindness, and choosing clarity over self-criticism, in a way that works for real life, real brains, and real energy levels.

I’m really grateful you’re here with me.

Warmly,